It is difficult for me to understand women; can you tell me the difference between men and women?

It is an interesting question. Let us try to find some answer for this. A woman/man has the same nature that a man/woman has, the same human rights to life, job, liberty and of course, the pursuit of happiness. At the same time both has the same human duties in all the fields starting from childhood to old age. Even then, a woman is different than man in many respects, not only in their anatomy. Are women and men really different? What are the evidences on the psychological level that women and men are the same or different?

Many think that women and men are entirely different. But if you see many psychological studies they reveal that 80% men and women are same in their thoughts. In the other qualities they are different, you could say almost entirely. These qualities include:

• Men think broadly, today you can say globally but women fix or focus on deep details or they are subtle.
• Men take risk in all their activities but women want to guard their knowledge they find and pass it on others too.
• Men want to be independent where mostly the women co-operate.
• Men get satisfaction from career and wealth, but women value the families more.
• Women usually make lower self-judgment than men.
• Men give priority to their personal goals and women show priority to their relationship.
• Men get more sickness than women, but women concern more about their health than men.
• Women handle individually and ready to suffer hardship and pain better than men.
• Men tend to prioritize their personal goals, while women tend to prioritize relationships.
• Men tend to get sick more than women, but women tend to be more concerned with their health than men.
• Women tend to handle monotony and endure hardship and pain better than men.

These are some of the recent findings with respect to the psychological nature and functioning of both sexes. I would like to warn you that infancy, culture and genetic factors play a major role which we cannot simply ignore. That is why it is more difficult to say whether they are same or different but we must accept that they are individuals irrespective of women or men.
There are differences in daily life also and it may be different in different countries, cultures and in races. Surprisingly, here also men act or do differently than women. Here I could tell you some of these points which include:

• Maturity – Women mature much faster than men. In Western countries most of the 19 year old women have already well paid jobs, own rental apartments, own car, go for holidays and her boy friend, may be 25 or 26 still studying and completely immature for life.
• When men and women see television each reacts very differently.
• If they have to write something the men scratch quickly and women decorate their writings.
• Most of the men have only few items in their bathroom and there are enough women in the world who have more than 400 items in their bathroom. This is applicable to shoes also.
• Mostly women make a list of things she needs and buys. But, men wait till his fridge is empty, goes to the shop and buys everything which he finds or looks good. Usually there are more unnecessary things also.
• Men see telephone or cell phone as a communication instrument and talk shortly or send short sms. Women come back from her girlfriend’s house and upon returning home she will call the same friend and talk to her several hours.
• The women sometimes admit making a mistake, but the men almost never admit their mistake.
• Women like film stars like Richard Gere and others, but men do not like them because they remind them only cheap persons who dates only married or older woman.
• A woman knows all about her children – their favorite friends, foods, dreams, sport-, music-, and doctor- appointments. Normally, a man is not aware of these things.
• Whatever women do or go out they will dress up good, but the men will dress up for his office, weddings or to funerals in the same way.
• Men love to talk about politics, but many do not go for voting. Women are interested in politics if they like the politician or the politician is a woman. Mostly, they go regularly for voting.
• Women wash their clothes very often and men do not do.
• Little girl children love to play with toys and mostly at the age of 11 or 12 they lose interest except their doll and Teddy Bear. But men lose this interest never, only with age the toy is different, mini cars to video games or more expensive things.
• Women are good to water plants in the rooms. If the man does this work when his wife or girlfriend is not there after a weak most of the plants are dead. Usually he over waters the plants.
• Women love cats and dogs and men say they also love cats and dogs. But when the women are not looking the men kick these animals.
• A man does not call a relationship a relationship. If a relationship breaks the man suffers a lot because his property is gone. The sufferings sometimes last lifelong. The woman will cry, pour her heart out to her girl or homosexual men friends, and think that all men are idiots. Then she makes a full stop and get on with her life.
• Women prefer more closeness and at least 30 – 45 minutes foreplay and men prefer 30 to 45 seconds.
• During menopause a woman goes through a variety of complicated biological, emotional and psychological changes. These changes are different in different women. The men have the same during menopause – buying modern things which normally young men buy, take a girl friend in her early twenties and buy Porsche or big BMW or big Mercedes Benz.

One more theme which is discussed very hot is who is better, men or women? If you see the education, social and demographic trends in our world here the women lead. But whether they get their share or not, is entirely a different thing.

A recent study in USA says the women are leading in the following points:
Women are better because they are

• Honest
• Intelligent
• Compassionate
• Outgoing
• Creative

Men are better because they are

• Decisive

Both are equal in

• Hard working
• Ambitious

Women make lot of progress in all the countries but they seldom come to the top in political or corporate leadership. The reasons are gender discrimination, not willing to change and the “male unity” in this particular question. Others say diplomatically that the women lack experience and their family responsibility is the reason for this.

If we take men and women in Public Office the results are very interesting. The women have better performance skills in

• Working out compromises
• Keeping government honest
• Representing public interests
• Standing up what they believe

In Policy matters

• Dealing with social issues

The men are better in Policy matters and they include:

• Dealing with crime and public safety
• Dealing with national security and defense

These are very important points which decide much in the future. At the same time I find the discussions who is the best cook or best driver are only there to talk and to have fun among men and women.

But we could not deny the facts that in schools and colleges or universities more women are studying than men. If you see the results the women are always on the top and this will have a strong impact in the future in social, political, economical, financial and industrial fields. Nobody could deny this.

The difference in thinking about sex is not dealt here.

Is it clear for you now? If not read it once again…

Premarital Sex in India...What is right and what is not?

For decades I follow the attitudes towards premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation and other sexual behaviors in many countries. These are present in different patterns and are different from culture to culture. In India we talk proudly about our tradition and culture. It is good, but we preach only for others what is good and what is not and the standards for us are mostly entirely different.

In almost all the developed countries premarital sex is allowed and practiced. For the families it is always a serious subject as the parents throughout the world think about the welfare of their children in the same way. I know families in the Western countries where the parents are very much worried about the teen sex and premarital sex. Parents are worried about the unwanted pregnancies and also about the sexually transmitted infections including HIV infection.

When we talk premarital sex many think that it is only about women. They consider it is normal for a man to have it. Interestingly, many women in India agree or tolerate this. They think one headache less. The men are happy, but spoil their health and the health of their wives and children with infections and other financial problems.

I have talked with one known man in India and he was arguing with me about the bad effects of premarital sex on family and society and about the unwanted pregnancy for several hours in a very fanatic way. In course of time I came in good contact with few women in his family. After few months they told me about the abortions what they had in their family from premarital sex. How to comment this?

It is better to talk about the premarital sex and other forms of sexual behaviors in an open way in the family so that the teens and the youth know about this clearly. Along with this you can inform them your traditional and cultural values. Do not mix the religions here as we know well our God’s enjoyed their love life very well.

Let me tell you how things happen in Western countries. In many countries the teens and young women can go to the doctor and get the information from him about contraceptives or sexual problems. Many teens got their first experience when a boy whom they like forced her to oral sex. This has a serious effect on that girl or young women. Many avoided men for a long time in their life; many accepted it with the fear to lose him and many did it to the end with joy. Many women around 17 or 18 say that they allow their boyfriend to have oral or anal sex to keep them with them as the competition is high.

The teens who take virgin pledge in USA are more vulnerable to pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Compared with other West European countries the prevalence of teen’s pregnancy and infections are more in USA.

What are the thoughts in Western countries about relationship and premarital sex? Things were entirely different till the birth or oral contraceptive pills in 1968. The moral standards were high for sex before that. Pregnancy outside the marriage was considered shame to the family and society. The oral contraceptive pills gave the women the freedom to experience and enjoy sex. That was the starting point of the downfall of men dominance. It is also a big question whether all the women are happy with this freedom!!!

Today majority of the Western women do masturbation from puberty. They learn it from their cousins, friends or from youth magazines. Thus they know well what sexual pleasure is compared to Asian women and they expect this from their partners. Here comes the first problem of strong men. Is it important to our theme? Yes, the knowledge of the sexual, psychological and physical aspects of love must be understood by men and women well to take their decisions in life, regarding their premarital sex life too.

We, in India, mostly close our eyes if some bad thing happens. We abuse children sexually and that also mostly in religious- and marriage functions. But when it comes to premarital sex suddenly all men are saints. This is why I wrote a book in 2009 “Sexual abuse of Children and Sex Health Education” (Aaron Verlag Publishers, Chennai, ISBN: 978-81-908673-0-6). This book is written to show that how the world exploits children in various forms sexually and how important sex health education is for a happy life.

The parents must be educated first and they must give the right information to their children in the appropriate stages in their life. Even today, after sex education in the school, many Western girls, women and men do not have adequate knowledge about their or partners body and the psychological aspects of thoughts of men and women sexually.

I must tell you some adverse effects of knowing about sex or other sexual behaviors from the social media. If a young woman suddenly hears from a man how he wants to enjoy her and what all she must do for him, for many girls and young women their healthy world collapses suddenly. Their dreams are entirely different about, love, tenderness and sex. For many it is a shock which affects their relationship with men in their whole life as sexual abuse.

The negative aspect of relationship or premarital sex is when the first boyfriend goes away or a relationship breaks many women fall in deep depression. Anti-depressive and psychiatric medicines are used to help them to come out from their shock. Many understand how hard life is, how important social guidelines are and few never learn.

India is a big country. The culture and tradition are different in many parts. South is different than North and East is different than West. The frontier regions have their own problems. The cosmopolitan cities are like in Western countries. In big cities many unskilled women workers become very quickly pregnant and the abortions are common. Abortion brings a deep scar in the mind of any woman.

There are women trafficking in our world in a brutal way and it is also practiced in India to supply teens and young women to the red-light areas or to the brothels. Families send their daughters and men send their wives with much pressure to earn money from this. There are even few who sell their daughter or wife for money. Everything is known and there are many ways to stop this, but we don’t do. Incest is also a problem everywhere in this world including India.

The rural India is different, but there live also only women and men. They have got their own problems and interestingly they solve in their own way. But mostly it is dictated on women.

In modern India the young women want to know more and more about relationship and sexuality. Men ask less because they are convinced to know everything better. In the pair-counseling it is very interesting to hear the argument of both men and women. Both have little knowledge and in the busy day sex becomes a routine for few minutes. After the counseling they are happy because they have found out that the wonderful time together can be longer. Many men understood for the first time that they have to satisfy their wife sexually and it is entirely different than their pleasure.

It is not necessary for a man to master “Kama Sutra” to satisfy his partner and it is too easy if knows how and what to do this. The couples who are happy in their bed room do lead a happy life always because they understand and listen better their partner.

My conclusion is, after thinking all the arguments, premarital sex can be practiced by men and women if they have the good knowledge. It is individual’s decision considering their circumstances including religion, tradition and custom to do it or not. I am very sick to hear that the men who had already sexually transmitted infections wish to marry only virgins. Equal rights are the best here.

It is absolutely necessary to be true to the wife and to the husband after marriage. Suspicion and jealous can kill love and life.

I hate the idea of single parents, woman or man since here the children suffer the most and these children have no great chances to come up in life. We need marriage; otherwise loneliness is the punishment for us to all our sins in this world.

I have no understanding to men who love their mothers and sisters, but treat their wife or girl friends like a slave or sex-machine.

For others who shout against this, if you point out one with your index finger three fingers are in your direction. So think before you throw the first stone.

In many countries premarital sex is a crime and the laws are always above the feelings and emotions. I hate honor-killings and the child marriage in some parts of Rajasthan with the hope that the girl will not love another man in her later years.

Condoms are very important in premarital sex as it can prevent unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. On the other hand, I know many condom burst cases where women became pregnant. In case of sexually transmitted infection diagnosis, in Germany, the doctor has to inform the health department so that all persons who had sexual contact with this particular person could be checked for possible infections. It may bring problems to married men or women, but from the health point of view of the partner and children it must be regulated from the law-makers and health authorities.

I don’t advise oral contraceptive pills to teens and young women as these have many side effects. Do not forget, even in Western countries only 50% women take oral contraceptive pills. Others have problems or not willing to swallow chemicals regularly.

Here I don’t write any scientific article, but simple facts to understand, think, discuss, learn and to take decisions. All are welcome to ask questions or make their comments. Online counseling is also possible.

Premarital sex is the individual decision of a well informed young woman or man. What do you think? Do you agree?